Unorthodox Funding: Funny Long-Term Financial Resources for Nonprofits (That You Should Definitely Avoid)

Does running a nonprofit sometimes feel like an uphill battle without reliable weapons? Dealing with the nonprofit and sometimes come with great frustrations. Like grant proposals to dealing with expenses and wondering how you'll get the money. Nonprofits are always on the lookout for reliable funding, but not all ideas that glitter are gold. In fact, some funding ideas are downright crazy (though amusing). So, let’s dive right into the bizarre life of “funding strategies” that you should absolutely avoid!

1. Grandma’s Cookie Empire: The Sweet Idea That Will Turn Your Non-Profit Sour!

Now here me out. I am sure your grandma makes the best cookies in the town, but turning her little old kitchen into a huge full-scale operation to fund your non-profit? The idea seems nice, but this is the quickest way to put your non- profit under faster than the cookies can come out the oven! From logistics to FDA regulations and everything in between will turn your non-profit into a crumbling mess. Please stay away from having any food operations to fund your non-profit organization! (But grandma can make the cookies for the board meetings. Everyone loves free snacks in meetings!)

2. Sell Your Arm, Leg and Kidney"

Membership Program

When you have dedicated members, they want to give something that can positively impact a person's life and to give it more meaning—Wouldn't it be great to create a "Donate an Organ" membership level? It may seem noble, but selling organs or limbs is technically illegal. Plus, losing your arm or leg aren't exactly ideal things to donate. And while your cause of someone else risking their life to save your non-profit might seem dignified, but it's best for them to just save that leg, arm and kidney and use those to help your non-profit by making monetary donations.

3. Cryptocurrency, But Make It FelineCoin

Forget Bitcoin, Ethereum, or even Dogecoin. If you really want to take the chance on volatile markets, invest in a small niche—like FelineCoin. It's exactly what it sounds like: a digital currency nobody has heard of, based on... cats? Sure, it may seem puurfect (pun intended), but when it inevitably crashes, you might find yourself meowing to investors about their lost funds.

4. Host a "Mega Rich Hunger Games"

Everyone loves a good competition, especially when there are big names and bigger egos involved. Why not gather a few millionaires and billionaires, throw them on a deserted island, and let them fight like gladiators for the ultimate prize—bragging rights and naming a room or a building after them? Mark Zuckerberg versus Elon Musk in a battle royale might sound like a fundraising dream, (still waiting on that battle to be honest) but the legality issues may outweigh the benefits. Plus, you may need more insurance than your nonprofit could afford because surely, you'll be liable for many more problems.

5. NFT Your Office Plants

Non-fungible tokens (NFTs) are all the rage, so why not hop on the trend by minting NFTs of your office’s beloved plants and flowers? Who wouldn’t want to own the digital rights to “David the Dracaena” or “Catcus Carl”? While the NFT craze can be a goldmine for artists, it’s not exactly a surefire way to fund your nonprofit. Also, what happens when David inevitably gets over-watered and dies? It’s hard to put a value on a wilting JPEG. Your non-profit should be trying to donate to a good cause and blockchain should not be one of them. And besides, I don't think anyone wants to own a digital fern.

1. Have a Sale of the "Buy one and Get One Free for Donations!"

"Buy one, get one free" might be great for shoes and t-shirts, but for donations? Not so much. The math would not be mathing (yes, I know mathing is not a word don't judge me). You could promise donors double the impact, but unless you have a tree that does grow money or own money printer, this plan will have your board sending you to the mental asylum. Stick to that good old fashion donation matching, where at least there’s another party on the hook for the extra cash.

7. The Ponzi Scheme of Philanthropy

Why not take a cue from Americas history's most notorious funding models? A nonprofit pyramid scheme! Just recruit a few people, then have them recruit others, and before you know it, your non-profit would be drowning in donations... or in lawsuits and possibly jail time. While the allure of exponential growth is tempting, this “funding model” has an expiration date as soon as someone Googles "Pyramid scheme."

8. "Guesstimate How Much We Need" Fundraiser

Everyone loves a good guessing game. Instead of educating potential donors your nonprofit's financial goals, make it a mystery! Simply ask them to guess how much money you need to survive for the next quarter. The closest guess wins a framed copy of your financial sheet showing your terrible money management skills! It’s interactive, it’s fun, and it’s absolutely horrible when you realize not one person guessed close enough to save the day.

9. Surprise Subscription Box for Charity

Subscription boxes are a hit, so why not create a nonprofit version? Every month, subscribers will receive a box of… random notepads? Grandma's cookies? That one weird flyer from the annual gala that was a complete disaster? While it might be fun and exciting to open the box, the contents will probably scream, "We 're not really creative, but we need your money." (Spoiler alert: they’ll cancel after the first batch of notepads.)

Conclusion: Stick to the Real (and Legal) Stuff

As tempting as it may be to try these quirky funding ideas, it’s best to steer clear if you want to stay out of the courtroom. While I understand nonprofit fundraising is tough, the key is to focus on legitimate, reliable sources—grants, corporate sponsorships, major donors, and good old-fashioned fundraising events. And if all else fails, at least you’ll now have a hilarious list of what not to do!